I don't think I would've had the strength to do this! Still needs work, but I'm really close to a handstand push-up!
Top photo of me 5’6″ and 95 lbs…. not my smallest, (90lbs) but on my way. Bottom photo is now. I don’t weigh myself, but you bet your a$$ I can flip that tire!!
One of THE prime reasons I choose a Paleo lifestyle is because it allows me to free myself of the restrictions DECADES of dieting dictated. I can eat within the parameters of Paleo and know I am treating my body well. Weighing and measuring are just not necessary if I’m not training for something. The number on the scale is irrelevant to who I am, and will NEVER dictate my mood.
But even with Paleo, there are going to be those that wonder “if I just tweak it enough will I look better/lose the last 5lbs” etc. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but there are warning signs that can go along with that. If you are beginning to worry about choosing between the size of two apples, you may be at risk. If you wonder if you will balloon up after eating a steak as big as your plate, and punish yourself with extended workouts to “rid” yourself of it, you may be at risk. I could go on and on.
The only problem I have come across with Paleo in regard to ED is this: CHEAT MEAL. “Cheating” implies all sorts of bad things. It’s a CHOICE. In my recovery, I don’t view food as good or bad but rather fuel sources. If they were grades of gas, then processed foods and grains would be the cheap stuff and veggies and meat super premium grade. When I CHOSE to put crap in my body to fuel my tank, I enjoy it, I savor it, but I also know that my engine runs much better on premium. In my house we call them EAT meals. EAT meals are choices. EAT meals are not things we eat because we “deserve” them. Do I really “deserve” nachos? Sounds silly when you put it that way, but thinking of being worthy of eating foods can lead to all kinds of unhealthy emotions. Shame or guilt after going off path is also a red flag that I know a lot of us struggle with.
I found many wonderful resources on the net including http://nationaleatingdisordrs.org. Here are a few of the warning signs:
*refusing to eat in front of others
*frequent weighing
*preoccupation or anxiety about weight and shape
*eats in ritualistic ways, such as cutting into small piece
*feels faint or dizzy frequently
*has developed cavities or enamel erosion
*calluses across joints or knuckles from induced vomiting
*obsesses about clothing size
*exercises excessively and compulsively
*lies about how much food was eaten
*insomnia or excessive sleeping
*begin to isolate from others to concentrate more and more on food,calories and weight
*low self-esteem and worth
*self berating
If you know someone who has some of these symptoms or fear you may be at risk, please get help immediately (http://edreferral.com) Remember eating disorders aren’t as much about food as they are control – don’t wait until it controls YOU.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
- Anaïs Nin
Blessings – Cookie 
** I am now on Day 24 of Whole30 and loving it! I cant wait to share my journey with you all!
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Comments (16) »
Holy smokes Patty, that’s a picture that speaks a thousand painful words, and a wonderful post you put together. And props to you for reaching Day 10 in life without Diet Coke! I’m well into my “Month Minus Mochas” and actually don’t miss them at all!
Patty Patty Patty….you know how I have struggled, and reading this post from the good feeling place where I am now, I’m nodding my head in agreement. I’m thinking of this: my parents are in good health and I have a warm and loving relationship with them, my daughter is healthy and excelling in school, I found my soulmate, I’m finally healthy, my athletes are doing well, … and I’m gonna be upset because I’m not size 4? Bah!
I am so happy that you are in a healthy place. You are a great role model.
And ixnay on the eatingchay! I have come to a point where I know I could have pizza every damn day if I WANTED to. But, I don’t want to, the kicker is that I know I can *if I really wanted it*. And about every 3 weeks, I get a craving, and yep- I dig in. But… I involve Jack or Nina. We go out for it. We sit down and enjoy. I savor every bite, eating slowly. I don’t: eat standing up, wolf down bite after bite, ready to wolf down a bite with one still in my mouth, feel bad, think “okay, now I really have to tighten up and be *good* for a few days”. What does that mean anyway? “be good”? I’m already good! and I don’t have to eat nearly enough as you would think to be satisfied either.
And yippee for Life Without Diet Coke! Cool beans. Which makes me wonder, can I do life without coffee? Gulp…
First off a big HELL YA!!! on the Diet Coke…can you say bye bye!!!
I can’t even imaging how hard it is to deal with an eating disorder, kudos to you for taking it on and dealing with it step by step. Yesterday I was listening to the radio and Sandra Bullock told Oprah she could not wait to have a cheese burger and fries after she won the Oscar. I shook my head, that women has been starving herself for weeks probably because an agent told her she had to. To be a role model in this country you have to be a size TWO! Ridiculous!
I have clients that I see many of the warning signs you listed above, thanks for the eye opening post.
Rebe
Excellent post. I have never struggled with an actual ED but have had times when I let food, the scale, or my workouts control me. Thankfully, I have learned to “let it be.” Taking the reward factor out of food and not thinking I am being good or bad if I eat this or that has helped immensely. If I really want it, I eat it and enjoy it with no thoughts of guilt whatsoever. My rewards now are my healthy body and a healthy mind.
Herm made a funny observation the other day…… he said you’d never know the woman he was watching press her finger into the bacon grease (yes, I know gross -LOL, but I DO love my bacon!) was an anorexic. I was so PROUD!!! Any other woman may have been horrified but being free from the prison that is ED never stops feeling wonderful. I think of that cold, cold feeling I used to have, the achy pains all over my body, wondering if my periods would ever come back, and almost praying someone, anyone would help me. Once I got better, I took it all to the gym – I NEEDED to take 4-5 aerobic classes in a row right?? Then I’d be worthy of eating. Its something I still get very emotional about. I listen and watch my 3 daughters – this will NEVER happen to them. Aileen – it was actually Jack who put into words for me how I feel about EAT meals. I rememeber when we all first started doing Paleo and he said the following:This does not mean that I always choose to eat the things which are best for my body.
It does mean that, when I have chosen to eat chocolate, or pizza, or whatever else, it was a choice, the choice was freely made, i had all the information I needed to make the choice, and I did so with full knowledge of the consequences, and I willingly accept those consequences. I feel no remorse for eating anything I have eaten. I enjoyed it, and I am glad that I ate it, both the “healthful” and the “unhealthful”. I will do it again, happily. I stood up and cheered – YES!!!!!
Awesome post!! WAY TO GO GIRLIE OFF OF THE DIET COKE!!! I am so proud of you!!
We kicked the diet coke habit the same day!! =0) Great post too!
As a former bodybuilder I used to live the eating disorder lifestyle. I’ve slowly come to accept that fact, with the help of Patty, and I can now seriously reflect on some of those warning signs:
*frequent weighing – yes.
*preoccupation or anxiety about weight and shape – Scale and mirror, multiple times daily.
*eats in ritualistic ways, such as cutting into small piece – I ate my chicken first, then the broccoli…ALWAYS.
*feels faint or dizzy frequently – I was always lethargic.
*exercises excessively and compulsively – That’s bodybuilding!
*insomnia or excessive sleeping – insomnia, BIGTIME. I never got more than 4 hours of sleep a night.
*begin to isolate from others to concentrate more and more on food,calories and weight – In bodybuilding contest mode, that’s the name of the game! starting at 6 weeks out, eating and training is ALL I did.
*low self-esteem and worth – yes, I was never muscular enough or lean enough.
*self berating – every day
I tell my kids there are no ‘bad’ foods – just ‘always’ foods and ‘sometimes’ foods.
WTG on the Diet Coke – and the introspection.
I needed this post, I stumbled on it at the right time. I’m currently going through a relapse and signed up to Whole30. I know how to eat, but I needed something to help me realize this.
I’m currently in a binge and purge hell that I wont want to be in (after 3 years anorexic, 1 year ‘cured’ and 2 years back and forth). I do crossfit 5 days a week, karate 4 days a week, I run twice and I do 5/3/1 3 days a week.
The funny thing is I feel great about me these days. I’m muscular and lean. I have fat days but I ignore them.
I’m hoping that Whole30 will help me.
I love this. Thank you. xxoxo
Just a few words:
The NOW woman is HOT!!
Great work and a fantastic write-up.
Thanks everyone for the kind words and support. Lots of email and messages coming my way today. I want to first tell those of you I have not yet responded to that just REALIZING there is a problem is a HUGE first step! Congratulations! YOU deserve to be happy and healthy! Believe in your beauty, strength and worth. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I hope to be there supporting you through it.
@Robb – You have made a GINORMOUS difference in my life and that of my family. Who knew a seminar could turn my life around in more ways than I can name?! Gracias!
Awesome post Patty…and I agree with Robb. Looking great sister, keep it up!
Thank you thank you thank you. I see the light…
Really, really powerful post. Thank you for putting it out there.
I love love love that women are getting the idea that strength is beautiful. I think it shows an evolution in our sense of being in charge of our own lives.
And to anyone who reads this comment, you are stronger and more beautiful than you think. Trust me.